Thank you Cheryl Spencer for all of your encouraging posts on FB. I know I don’t always feel like posting encouraging things, so thank you for being faithful in your posts. If only you knew how often God has used you to encourage me on the other side of the world….
“Remember that God works on behalf of those who wait for Him. The Father has a great blessing for us if we will delight ourselves in Him, commit our ways to Him, and watch for Him patiently. Don’t worry, become impatient, lose our faith, or run ahead of Him. Instead, trust the Lord for His very best today and every day. Because surely we will find that He fully satisfies every desire of our hearts.”
I have been overdue for a post! This past week has been difficult on a number of levels… Becoming anxious about housing – we’ve been given the run-around it seems. There are several empty units within walking distance of where we are staying, and yet we were told we had to wait until a family moved out of our “assigned” unit. Hubby has worked 3 different ranges – being home only 3 out of 10 days. We are still in search of a church, and at this point would be happy with simply finding some Christian friends! I am beginning to feel discouraged… I haven’t had much chance to meet people, and I am beginning to feel restless. I am ready for my own house! I am ready for my own stuff! I am ready for things to become routine and familiar… However, my timing is not God’s timing. Doesn’t make it any easier though.
So, moving on to a more uplifting note: We have a house!! We are able to view it on Tuesday, Feb. 16th. We are unsure of the timing after that, whether we will be able to move in that day or sometime later that week. Regardless, we have a house…. For some reason, God wanted us to wait. He has a purpose for us being where we are, when we are.
We were recently given a large reimbursement from the Army… we hope they don’t change their minds! We are in the process of making a detailed budget and savings plan… Goal: be completely out of debt by the time he returns from deployment. All we have left is the second half of a car loan and my student loans. We are very excited about moving toward this goal and being able to leave Germany with a good amount of savings 🙂 While we have come across several “good deals” (cars, couches, household items, etc) and it has been VERY tempting to use our extra funds to “invest” in these deals… we have prayed fervently about our financial decisions, and we have decided to stick to our budget and make do with what we have now. 🙂 In the meantime, we have decided to continue with travel plans to Italy!!! Considering we had a short “honeymoon”, we think that it would be ok to spend a little on a trip…. come on, we are living in Europe! Traveling is a definite category within our budget. We are able to travel to Milan for 4 days (including airfare roundtrip and hotel) for the price of one, one-way ticket from ATL to Milan…. Yes please! We are PUMPED! And it couldn’t have come at a better time… I’m about to go stir-crazy!
I am in the workings of altering my perspective into a more positive outlook than what I have been keeping…. I have a day, an hour, five minutes of “looking on the bright side” and “feeling blessed”, however those feelings fade and discouragement and worry would set in. After many days of constant prayer each time I would begin to feel down, several wonderful mornings of Bible study with my husband, encouraging chats with my mom and opening myself up to what God has been telling me, I have begun to climb out of the hole I put myself in. My perspective on my current situation, whatever it may be, should not be based on my feelings. My feelings are always changing, and very reliant on the course of circumstances. However, if I rely first and foremost on the unchanging God of the universe, who set everything in motion according to His time and His good will, who began a good work in me and will carry on to completion, who has a greater purpose in everything that He allows to happen, who has placed me where I am for His reasons, and who will work in and through me if I am but open and willing… then my day is SOOO much better than if I try to figure things out for myself.
While I do not, and may never, understand all of the reasons for my current circumstances, I know that God us using each moment, each challenge, each minute with my husband and each minute without him, to grow me, to teach me, to show His love and concern for me. For example, my husband and I have been able to work together and communicate more effectively (not without challenges) through discussing a budget, and making sacrifices together. I am learning more and more the importance of NOT jumping to conclusions and to talk openly and honestly with my husband, showing a genuine concern for his feelings rather than putting up my own wall of defenses… If we had been given a house upon my arrival, it would be so much easier to focus on setting up house, and I know I would have easily become overwhelmed with all we have to do. I would have lost focus on the importance of our new marriage, and shifted to what our house, our life should be life. God gave us this opportunity to work out a few bumps and simply focus on each other, because each other is all we have. We would have been even more tempted to fill our house with things, and would have felt an even greater need to buy a car now, instead of waiting until our things and our car arrive. I am learning to handle being by myself a lot of the time, without being left alone in an empty house, sometimes for days at a time. And of course, I am forced to get out of the house and exercise – walking to take care of housing, get groceries, get a haircut, etc. I could go on and on…
To sum up my ramblings, I was very moved and convicted by my devotion this morning… I have been reading out of a book I bought at Passion by A.W. Tozer, Tozer on the Almighy God (one of my favorite authors… if you haven’t read The Knowledge of the Holy, read it!). I’ll copy the devotion at the end of this post, but to sum up it was about Abraham. Basically, it says how we are “better off” than Abraham because we have established churches, groups, endless resources, other Christians, and of course, THE BIBLE to aid us in our walk. However, these things give us NO EXCUSE for not being as close to God as Abraham was. He walked with God, and talked with God – that’s it. He didn’t have a small group he attended once a week. He didn’t have a “prayer line” he could call when he was in need. He didn’t have books and websites and podcasts to encourage him or speak to him. It was just him and God. All he needed was a hungry heart – and God filled him.
These things that I have had access to and taken for granted – church, a solid group of Christian friends, Bible studies, etc – I have been aching for since I arrived here in Germany. I have looked and looked and been unable to find barely even a Christian friend… (By no means am I discrediting church and groups and Bible studies! These things are used by God! It is important to have fellowship with other believers…) I am merely saying how I have been so reliant on these things for my spiritual growth, rather than on the Spirit who does the growing! I have been lacking in a desire to study, and pray, other than when I am in need of something or on the verge of panic attack… I have been yearning for fellowship, making excuses for ignoring the ultimate fellowship that has been with me all along: God! And the wonderful husband He has blessed me with… I have tried so hard to rely on myself and figure it all out, rather than talking with my husband and both of us seeking God together.
All I need is an empty, hungry heart…. My current circumstances have emptied me. But it is in the emptying, that God is able to fill. I am emptying my desires, my wants, my timing, my schedule… and God is filling me with Himself, His will, His ways, His schedule…
From Tozer on the Almighty God: February 9, 2010 “An Empty, Hungry Heart”
“I happen to believe that Abraham’s encounters with the living God nearly 4,000 years ago leave modern men and women without an excuse. Abraham stands for every believer. His eager and willing faith becomes every Christian’s condemnation. On the other hand, his fellowship with God becomes every believer’s encouragement. If there is a desire in your heart for more of God’s blessing in your life, turn your attention to the details of Abraham’s encounters with God. You will find yourself back at the center, at the beating heart of living religion… Remember too, that at that point in history, almost 2,000 years before the coming of Jesus Christ into our world, Abraham had no Bible and no hymnal. He had no church and no Godly religious traditions for guidance. He could not turn to a minister or evangelist for spiritual help. Abraham had only his empty, hungry heart. That and the manifestation of the God who reveals Himself to men and women who desire to find Him and know Him.”
Life as an Army Wife 
Hey girl,
I’m so moved by your post…your transparency is beautiful! I miss you so much and am so glad you’re there with your hubby even though it’s lonely a lot of the time. I had a hard time recently and found comfort in James 1. There’s two verses about being “steadfast” in the midst of your circumstances. This has been so encouraging to me to remember not to allow my circumstances (whether difficult or good) sway me. I pray that you’ll remember all of God’s promises to you when times are rough and not allow daily annoyances, waiting, and missing your hubby, to knock you down. Being “steadfast” is hard sometimes but staying in God’s Word grows your roots deep and doesn’t allow you to sway.
I’m so proud of you my little sister! We all miss you so much!
Thank you Eskew. Thank you for your post.
First of all, I am a free thinker. Sometimes I lean towards being an atheist but other times I believe in god too, although our definition for god is different.
Sometimes when I feel empty, I just read random writings on the internet and I don’t bother posting. However, for yours it is different. I just want to thank you for the connection even to a free-thinker.
Your expression of the empty, hungry heart is mightily strong. The ability to shift the nothingness into our hearts into a fulfillment so strong, I think it is awesome.
You just made a friend halfway across the world :]